Love Languages & Dialects: 'QT' and Quality Time

Quality time. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, marriage counselor and author of “The Languages of Love”, quality time is an essential love language. For some of us spending quality time with our partners is the most important way that we can feel and know that we are loved. And, our particular ‘dialect’ must be spoken to us or we may totally miss the message when it is sent!

Joan and Tom, married for eight years had established a cozy Sunday ritual of going for coffee and chatting. Gradually, Tom began bringing along the newspaper so he could chat and catch up onthe news. He figured he was killing two birds with one stone. Joan became increasingly prickly and unsettled because her ‘QT dialect” was note being fulfilled. She felt he wasn’t paying attention to her despite his being able to accurately tell her what she had said when she questioned him. What had once been a warm and satisfying ritual was degrading into an area of frustration and dissatisfaction for both of them.

After Joan became very clear about what her ‘QT’ dialect and needs were, they were able to agree on a compromise. She needed to spend time with him and have his undivided attention when they chatted. He agreed to give it to her. In exchange, she agreed to give him uninterrupted time to read the newspaper.

Because they were able to identify their own love language needs and dialects, communicate that information, and negotiate a compromise, they were able to re-establish and increase the quality of their ‘QT’ with each other.

Often our love relationships suffer because we don’t clearly see what is getting in the way of our feeling loved and we begin to pile up disappointments so it becomes that much more difficult to find a solution.

If we can still ourselves, clarify what we need and want and communicate that in a spirit of love, we can be on the way to receiving what our partners truly want to give us...the gift of their love.