Starting Points for Creating Intimacy: Part One

2008.  A new year of unlimited  opportunities for
personal fulfillment, growth and adventure. From the
perspective of intimacy, what might this mean for each
of us?

Psychological intimacy seems to be the bedrock upon
which most lasting relationships are built, however,
anecdotal experiences and empirical research lead to
the same conclusion: as a culture, we need formal
lessons in �how to create relationships that promote
and sustain intimacy� and, �how to be intimate�!  

In much the same way that we teach our youth to read
and write  we need to prepare for the roles we�ll play
where intimacy is required, whether those roles are
romantic or not.

Our perceptions and definitions of intimacy vary based
on gender, age, culture and economics, and change from
relationship to relationship and within relationships
over time. Intimacy is a critical, fluid relationship
dynamic that benefits from our ongoing review and
maintenance of it.

In two separate studies, one conducted on college
students and the other on couples who had been in
relationships for thirty or more years, the sense of
psychological intimacy, or the ability to fully
disclose one�s self were identified as significant
indicators of satisfaction within the relationship.

Understanding and accepting the impact of
socialization on who each person is and how  they 
relate to the idea of �intimacy� is a fundamental
first step in creating an environment where self
disclosure can flourish.

Recognizing that an individual�s ability and need to
self disclose may change, and being able to accept and
work with that is also critical for the support and
nurturance of intimacy within the relationship.  

Actively communicating about individual needs for self
disclosure and how to best create the opportunity for
doing so are also critical for mutual satisfaction.
To be continued...

Irisha Brown, M.Ed., M. A., is an Intimacy and
Relationship Coach and Proprietress of the boutique,
Initmate Engagements, in Montclair, NJ.  Please email
questions and comments to ib@intimate-engagements.com