Officially there are five romance languages. Each originates form the same linguistic root, Vulgar Latin. Although they bear striking similarities to each other, they also exhibit crisp, clear differences. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, marriage counselor, marital enrichment educator and author of "The Five Love Languages", the emotional languages we experience and use are similar to the romance languages.
The Love languages all spring from and respond to our innate need for love and recognition, and they represent the diversity or our personalities, and the effects of socialization. Our ability to create and sustain emotional intimacy can be directly tied to our awareness and understanding of our own "love language" and "dialect", and those which are in place for our loved ones and friends.
Dr. Chapman's observations over a thirty year period have led him to identify the Five Love Languages as: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
Identifying our primary and perhaps secondary love languages can assist us in being very clear about what we need in order to truly feel loved and valued. If we need to spend quality time with our loved ones and receive lots of physical touch throughout the day, but instead receive gifts and acts of service from them, we will probably begin to feel unloved, unwanted and unhappy. Exiting the relationship will seem much more appealing so that we can search for what we need emotionally. In like manner, our partner who is bestowing these gifts upon us thinking they are doing just the right thing, will recognize that their efforts are less than 'well received' and may also begin the process of withdrawal and seeking.
Just what are the love languages that you and your partner speak? Take the self-assessment on our website: www.intimate-engagements.com/theartof intimacy, or within Dr. Chapman's book. Consider your findings and then share that information with your partner. Resolve to speak each other's language for at least thirty days and then take your emotional temperatures. You may be very pleased and surprised at what you find!
Irisha Brown, M.Ed., M. A., is an Intimacy and
Relationship Coach and Proprietress of the boutique,
Initmate Engagements, in Montclair, NJ. Please email
questions and comments to ib@intimate-engagements.com