Psychological intimacy, or the ability to fully self-disclose has been cited in a research study of couples married an average of thirty years, as a significant indicator of relational satisfaction. Partners reported a sense of connection, peace and contentment when they felt they could disclose as much as they needed or wanted to and still be accepted by their partners.
The health benefits of intimacy have been documented as well. Individuals who are able to share their thoughts and feelings in intimate relationships have been found to have lowered stress levels, increased self-esteem and �respect, and have increased their overall physical health as well.
That said, how do we promote, create and sustain an atmosphere where full self-disclosure (if so desired) may occur?
We might best begin with a bit of self-analysis and reflection. Our ideas, experiences with and behaviors around self-disclosure influence how much we give and, often, what we receive.
Here�s some food for thought:
1. Who were you most intimate with within your family? Why?
2. Who were your most intimate friends? Why did you confide in them? Were they intimate with you as well?
3.What do you most enjoy about intimacy? What frightens you?
4. In general, how comfortable are you in confiding your thoughts and feelings?
4a. How do you decide whom you will confide in?
5. In addition to your partner, whom do you confide in now? Under what circumstances? How often? About what? Why did you select them?
6. Why do people confide in you? Why would they want to?
7. How judgmental are you?
8. Can you hear a confidence without giving advice or judging?
Having a clear sense of how we relate to intimacy or self-disclosure, and what our comfort level is within it, will help us see how we may encourage or hinder ourselves and others in the process. Thinking about these questions and asking them of our partner or friends can also help illuminate similarities and differences, which may impact the level of closeness and connection we create and feel.
We all thrive from feeling like we are accepted, valued and needed, so making sure our intimacy skills are fine tuned works for us and those in our circle.
Until next time, Be well!
Until next time, Be well!
Irisha Brown, M.Ed., M. A., is an Intimacy and
Relationship Coach and Proprietress of the boutique,
Initmate Engagements, in Montclair, NJ. Please email
questions and comments to ib@intimate-engagements.com